Happiness and Disasters

Wow. It’s really been quite a while.

I don't believe time rushed by so quickly; the strength of the beat of the wings by which the falcon soared past these couple of weeks was indeed quite frightening.

…*ahem* …got a little carried away there…sorry. I have a tendency to turn everything into a metaphor, or an analogy (as well as write blog updates at 1:45 in the morning) . I guess it’s a safety mechanism my mind makes in order to understand everything, and not to be afraid of the unknown.

I'm currently kind of worried about Léayza. She’s really nice, and a really good person when she wants to be. She has this way..or seeing things. It quite interesting. Sadly; I am worried of how open she is to other strangers. If there has ever been an open book – she's the best of the batch. Strangely enough; I think it’s a sort of cover…not 100% of a shield but sometimes covering a part of a question with a misleading answer…like a pair of sunglasses. She got killed(metaphorically, of course) awhile ago but is recovering so quickly its alarming, but very happy to see. Her eyes are on others now. I just wonder if she was meant to run and fall. I hope not – no one should be in such torture.

I’ve been actually in a good mood lately, not counting my yearning to fit in, and the constant pain with which I walk with everyday. Since my first year at school, I had always noticed a girl sitting in the shadows. Her name is…I can’t give her a name that would be suitable. I will have to call her Alice, I guess. Even that is not enough…not as powerful a name to be worthy of her.

She is amazing. She is beautiful, funny and as clever as you can get. She was a sort of “fantasy” in my mind, ever since I saw her. I don't mean I wanted to sleep with her ever since I saw her…I mean I wanted to be with her. It isn't something that happens everyday, and being the fantasy that she was, I decided to not even try. Fantasies are like dreams – blurry, unpredictable and forever changing…to fall in love with a dream..would be foolish.

At the very beginning, I decided- well..something better to say would be…my mind decided it was best for me to start off with a more likely girl – someone that had a better chance of fancying me. And so it went on…the year passed. I had been broken, repaired and broken again many times. That was until recently. I had been ill for two weeks, but when I came back to school the teacher arranged me to sit beside (wouldn’t you know it?) - Alice.

I was about to have a heart attack, I think. I was thanking anyone who was out there above, who ever pulled the strings in the universe to make this happen, was deeply mocking me. Showing me a way out of a hell-hole and into the light – but I think it’s all a mirage. Nothing can be this real.

And her eyes…they have some great power over me. I cant resist looking at her even when we’re in the hall. It gets really annoying. Funny thing is we don't say Hi to each other in the hall, but we talk a lot on class. I dunno what it all means, but who knows.

About the book, now. Nothing new at all. I wrote some more concept “art” for it but hardly wrote a word. I need to start soon.

Aaaannd on a lighter note, MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP !!! I'm really excited. It’s funny how I don't really see what the whole deal about the “sweet 16” thing is all about. I mean its not 18 or anything – you’re not completely free from the rest of the world binding you.

 

Well That’s all for today…er….night. And I’m going off to bed.