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Okay, maybe in the lightest meaning of the word - but you still are. You cant even make a conversation, much less pretend you care. Okay okay, I dont hate you. It's just a dream. That's what everything feels like. I dont understand anything anymore. I catch myself sometimes, as if I am breaking free of a spell. The best way I can describe it is trying to break to the surface of a current in a river. You can do it for so long,until you mindlessly fall back into the waves. There's no drowning under them either...just a feeling of indifference. It's this "current" that drives me around my day. I get up, go to school, eat lunch, talk to people, go back to class after lunch, go home, and do my homework. There are times when I snap out of it - these are the times when I'm doing something extreme and not something I should be doing (...like when I talked to you about everything on the subway train.) - and I ask myself, "What? Did all that just happen? I cant believe I didn't react to that.". But then I just take a deep breath and let the current take me back in...
I'll probably never talk to you again. And yet...
Nope. Nothing. The Garden that once falsely seemed to flourish for you, has now wilted and curled into a dead clump of rotting petals and bark. Dont worry, it's not you. It's not. it's just...frustration. It's the inability to process information.
Nope, I dont like you. I just...I forgot myself. Stabilo once sang:
"Stick around i got a hunch, we'll bomb this town and stop for lunch and never, nevermind these awful cries it's not as real if you don't look in their eyes"
Im crazy, heheh!
If I am, then whatever. This song thats been playing for a few months is drawing to a close anyway, and I was okay with how it's been delivered.
Do I hate you? No, never. I'll never hate you. They say that the five stages of dying are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. For relationships I believe it feels more like bargaining, depression, denial, anger and acceptance. And maybe it's even worse than dying, because you feel everything all at once. The closest thing to hate is anger i guess, but I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at me.
At any rate, I just dont want to talk to you, because to talk to you is a lot like talking to myself with pre-recorded "Hum."s and "Yeah."s .....Just like a pitch black sky-rid of all but a few stars that shine a little when I raise my voice. Sure, once in awhile, a firework will blast through the darkness, and I'll remember why I once liked you - but fireworks seem to run out quickly with you. And the stars can fade with time. And then whats left? Just a pitch black sky.
You're going to avoid me now, I know it. I dont mind. I respect all your choices, so Im going to stop looking up. I'm going to stop trying to gaze at the pitch black sky - waiting for a shooting star or any other sign of life... I'm going to turn around, and head back home.
If I am, then whatever. This song thats been playing for a few months is drawing to a close anyway, and I was okay with how it's been delivered.
Do I hate you? No, never. I'll never hate you. They say that the five stages of dying are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. For relationships I believe it feels more like bargaining, depression, denial, anger and acceptance. And maybe it's even worse than dying, because you feel everything all at once. The closest thing to hate is anger i guess, but I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at me.
At any rate, I just dont want to talk to you, because to talk to you is a lot like talking to myself with pre-recorded "Hum."s and "Yeah."s .....Just like a pitch black sky-rid of all but a few stars that shine a little when I raise my voice. Sure, once in awhile, a firework will blast through the darkness, and I'll remember why I once liked you - but fireworks seem to run out quickly with you. And the stars can fade with time. And then whats left? Just a pitch black sky.
You're going to avoid me now, I know it. I dont mind. I respect all your choices, so Im going to stop looking up. I'm going to stop trying to gaze at the pitch black sky - waiting for a shooting star or any other sign of life... I'm going to turn around, and head back home.
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